🎯 EC SUNDAY MESSAGE SUMMARY
May 31, 2026
Focus: Dealing with Offenses & Unforgiveness (Part 3)
Ministered by Pastors Andrew and Donnette Norman
Focus: Dealing with Offenses & Unforgiveness (Part 3)
Ministered by Pastors Andrew and Donnette Norman
Q: What is an offense?
A: An offence is something designed to trip you. It is a bait set to cause you to step outside of your character and God’s will. It is a stumbling block designed to cause you to dishonour God and to dishonour yourself.
When offences come, they are occasions to stumble. Nevertheless, as an occasion to, you do not have to stumble. However, if you do choose to take the opportunity, you have made yourself vulnerable to a root of bitterness developing in you. (Hebrews 12:15.)
Q: What are some symptoms of offences?
A: Some symptoms of an internalized offence are:
- Resentment
- Withdrawal
- Avoidance
- Giving the Silent Treatment
- Shutting Down
- Lashing Out
- Spreading Roots of Bitterness (Hebrews 12:)
- Having a Hard Heart
- Hiding and Dancing in the Cracks of the Conflict - If you relax comfortably in not taking any course of action motivated by a desire to see reconciliation between two warring parties and instead rest inside the enmity that results from the war, you are not walking in the Holy Spirit of reconciliation and are therefore in danger of losing your soul by risking hearing “depart from Me ye who worked iniquity”.
Righteousness in such a situation would present itself in you mourning over the iniquities and wars between souls. God will comfort the mourners by either healing the breach or using you as an example of a healthy relationship keeper as you model His character (Matthew 5:4).
Q: What does "unforgiveness " mean & how does it relate to offenses?
A: Unforgiveness is the refusal to forgive someone who offended you. In it, you hold their wrong against them in the posture of holding on to an offence. Thus, it is a result of failing an offence test.
Marianne Williamson described unforgiveness as “drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die.”
Q: The Bible speaks of a Root of Bitterness in relation to Offences and Unforgiveness. What is it, how does it operate, and what is its effect?
A: A root of bitterness is a malevolent spiritual condition. It can take you into speaking evil, harbouring hatred, and holding strong animosity towards the person who caused the offence. It can lead you to have grief, anger, and disappointment. As a root, it will grow and spread as it seeks to corrupt others. It does so as these additional persons are introduced to the conflict when they are not equipped with the mind of Christ. They can harbour feelings of offence and keep them even after you, who were offended, forgave.
📖Hebrews 12:15 - Looking diligently lest any man fail of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up trouble you, and thereby many be defiled;
It obstructs the flow of the fruit of the Spirit.
To overcome this, Jesus told His disciples that they needed to forgive in perfect completeness daily. He also compared a root of offence to a sycamine tree.
📖Luke 17:6 - And the Lord said, If ye had faith as a grain of mustard seed, ye might say unto this sycamine tree, Be thou plucked up by the root, and be thou planted in the sea; and it should obey you.
Q: What do I do when I just cannot seem to break free from an offence, and my emotions are caught in it? I feel like I'm ok and that I truly have forgiven the person who hurt me, but as soon as I get in their presence, I feel heavy.
A: You must first acknowledge where your heart posture is. Then you must pray and choose to walk in the mind of Christ, in which His response, instead of being offended, would be to pray for the offender and seek to understand God’s will in the situation.
Q: Is it possible for me to be hurt and not be offended at the same time? Is there a difference?
A: Yes, you can experience the sensation of hurt but not move into offence.
📖2 Corinthians 12:9-10- And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ's sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong.
Similarly, Jesus felt all of the pain, but He never allowed it to lead Him to be offended. He committed Himself to the Father rather than surrendering to the pain.
The Apostles were beaten and imprisoned for the gospel's sake, yet they rejoiced that they were found worthy to suffer.
Therefore, hurt is a sensation while offence is a choice. You can feel hurt and choose to allow your heart to move into compassion. When hurt comes, the practical response is not to internalize it, to refrain from devising a way to get even, to not let it taint your other relationships, and to restrict it from becoming a root of bitterness.
Q: How do I just not get offended (how do I truly avoid being offended in the first place)?
A: When you were born again, Christ gave you all that is His: His mind, His body, His heart, etc. As such, you were automatically transformed into a child of peace. You are no longer satan’s tool operating under his decree.
The only way to be offended after being granted that new nature is by deciding to put it down. There is nothing in Christ that is going to respond outside of Christ’s boundary; you have to make the decision to put down your peace to study weapons of war. Henceforth, one way to avoid being offended is to walk in the character of Christ.
You must treasure your fellowship with God above the offence and have compassion on the person who was weak enough to be used by the devil. Consider Christ and all that He endured, focus on His victory, and hold on to His mind.
📖Hebrews 12:3 - For consider him that endured such contradiction of sinners against himself, lest ye be wearied and faint in your minds.
Q: Why does it hurt so much when someone I am close to offends me?
A: It hurts because you think that you are deserving of someone’s respect- and that may be true in the natural world. However, even if you are not respected, you should take on the mind of forgiveness. If you choose not to forgive, that is an exalted position in your heart, manifesting as you walk in the way of an unprofitable servant.
Persons who were close to Jesus and those whose respect He was entitled to, like those whom He healed, were in the crowd chanting “Crucify Him”.
📖1 Corinthians 10:13 - There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it.
It is your God-given duty to forgive. Therefore, in the midst of an offence test, look into your heart and search for God’s influence prior to this test. He has given enough grace to you for you to overcome. Focusing on His influence is the only way you will overcome.
Additionally, you are not alone in your trial. Persons have experienced this test before, and some, even unbelievers, are experiencing it presently. These persons might be observing you to see your response because you proclaim Christ unbeknownst to you. God’s reaction works the ministry of reconciliation.
Q: What does it mean to 'forgive and forget'?
A: “Forgive and forget” is a phrase which has been promoted for decades. There are some offences that can easily fall into this category, and there are some which really work to prove your character. These trying offences were the major opportunities to have either stepping stones or stumbling blocks.
Irrespective of the category of the test, God encourages and requires you to forgive. You know you have forgiven when you no longer feel the pain associated with the offence and the remembrance of the offender.
Forgetting is not as crucial as forgiving. The Holy Spirit will bring back and erase offences from your memory as needed in a particular season. Forgiveness is the key because even if you do remember, you will not be crippled by the recollection of the test.
Q: What if I am offended with God for the way my life is going or things that He allowed to happen to me in the past? What if I feel overly corrected?
A: The love of God reaches out in that way. As you delve into His Word, you learn that whom He loves He corrects and that there is nothing that happens to you by chance once you are His child that He can’t use.
📖Hebrews 12:6 - For whom the Lord loves He chastens, And scourges every son whom He receives.”
Trust His heart and trust His Word. He truly loves you. Still, if you feel you are being overly chastened, talk to God about it like Job did. Always confess your heart’s posture.
Q: What if I’m offended by God’s correction?
A: God’s Word is a still (persistent), small voice. His Word comes to direct you on His path because of His grace. Sometimes, His plan may be different from yours, and that can cause an offence as your heart longs for your will. Pray for His strengthening to help you loosen yourself from your entanglement with your will. If you abandon His Word, you will feel uneasy. As you choose to obey Him, the joy that you will experience will outweigh the fulfilment which you will feel when you tread your own path.
📖Proverbs 14:12 - There is a way which seemeth right unto a man, but the end thereof are the ways of death.
Q: How do I free my heart when an offender gets more offensive? Is forgiveness and restoration achievable when the offender does not change?
A: Sometimes nothing will change, but when your heart changes, your perspective will change, so the situation becomes bearable. When you please God in a situation (forgiveness), God is released into the situation. He will enter and enact the restraints that need to be implemented.
Q: Luke 17:1 speaks of offenses. What does the last part mean when it says: "but woe unto him through whom they come!"? What is this 'woe'?
A: The woe is a curse from God.
Subsequently, you should feel the need to make intercession for your unrighteous offender. Your intercession, or the intercession of the saints of God, is the only thing that can stop the woe.
Paul’s woe was reduced or cancelled because of the intercession of the saints, including those whom he persecuted, including Stephen.
📖Acts 7:60 - Then he knelt down and cried out with a loud voice, “Lord, do not charge them with this sin.” And when he had said this, he fell asleep.
Through this intercession, God remembered Paul, and he later became one of the greatest apostles.
Q: When do I let go of a friendship when the offender does not respect boundaries?
A: You need the Holy Spirit. Not all relationships operate the same. In some instances, the instruction from God will be to leave the relationship immediately. In other cases, He may have you stay with the person and keep pouring out His love on them. Hence, personalized guidance from the Spirit of God is vital.
Q: How do I forgive persons who have hurt me in the past, some of whom may have died?
A: The way to purge old offences is to manage present-day offences. By doing this, old offences may be wiped away too, or the strength to repent for them may come as you grow from current ones.
Q: Why is so much attention placed on the person being offended, in terms of dealing with the offence? What about the offender?
A: The offender, too, is in trouble with God. If you offended someone and know that you offended him/her, yet you have not repented, you are in sin.
📖James 3:2 - For in many things we offend all. If any man offend not in word, the same is a perfect man, and able also to bridle the whole body.
Q: I know I should forgive those who hurt me, but how do I stop them from going too far? How do I help this person see that they are wrong? Do I just allow him/her to hurt me and never correct them?
A: Forgiveness is non-negotiable. You can speak the truth in love or report your offender if the circumstances are threatening. The individual guidance of the Holy Spirit is necessary. Ultimately, no matter how powerful the offender appears to be, God is supreme.
📖Matthew 18:15 -16 - Moreover if thy brother shall trespass against thee, go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone: if he shall hear thee, thou hast gained thy brother. But if he will not hear thee, then take with thee one or two more, that in the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established.
The confrontation is not to blame or to make your offender guilty. It is to reconcile and reestablish your brother. Thus, you must have a clean heart, one which has already forgiven, otherwise the confrontation will not produce righteousness.
This message was delivered in the form of a panel discussion for our Youth Sunday Service.
Summarized by: Francianne Richards
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